The harsh fact...I need help

So some thought provoking conversation at women's meeting this week.

What should be expected out a Pastor's wife? What do you feel is your duty as a home provider and What are we representing to our young ladies with regards to our dress?  Great conversation and great insight.

So we are going to do a group discussion/forum and I am going to share it with as I learn.

Our topic Monday geared to Dress and Cleanliness.

 One of the young ladies said, "my mom always said a women with a dirty home has a dirty heart."  "A woman with a clutter heart has a clutter home."  She went down the line.  Than she brought out my mom's favorite saying a women that is always put together usually has a dirty home.

I went home and quite frankly working full-time, raising three kids, owning my own business, pastor's wife, and whatever else I am called to do, has me stretched to then.  My home is clutter and lately so has my mind and heart been the same.  How did the women of old do it?  They had less help.  My mom had to cook dinner, keep a house, run my father's errands for his business, do his books at one time, in the missionary department, choir and was working on her books, poetry and music career.  She was also self employed (many did not know this)  She did big in Avon, Shackley and Diamite as a sells rep.  Yet every night I would remember her ensuring our home was not only clean but she would take a bath that would have the whole house in this beautiful aroma, get dress all pretty and wait for daddy to come home.  Many times daddy didn't come home but that was her ritual.  Pregnant or sick she kept it together and daddy never help her with house work.

So now I look at myself.  Once before I went and sought out assistance. Why, because I was able to accomplish more when my home was clean and organized.   When I walk in my house and everything is in a dis-array I can not accomplish anything.  I end up starting a project and going to bed; to only feel defeated the next day.

We often get offended when older women of wisdom give advice but one thing I do know for sure 8/10 they are not talking from judgement but experience.  These ladies had me rolling and one of the first things one of the older woman told me was,  "Sis. Finley I don't mind sharing with you because of how you receive it."  I laughed but she is right. I have watched so many young ladies wear this chip on their shoulder because a older woman says something to them. Even worst, their husband gets angry and say well my wife doesn't have time to do all that she is taking care of me?  All you are doing is advocating a very wrong behavior. (especially for those that have girls) Contrary to what many believe in Proverbs it never states how much a woman is giving it up to her husband, causes her to have virtue.  It does how ever speak on her being a helpmate!!!  Thus you are to be in control of your home so that he does not have to worry about that.  Now this has nothing to do with a man helping a woman around the house.  Please Pastor can help me anytime, but it doesn't negate our biblical duty as his wife.

  http://avirtuouswoman.org/10-virtues-of-the-proverbs-31-woman/

8. Homemaking – A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4:9, Hebrews 13: 2)

  I personally decided Monday to remove clutter out of my life.  My mom had three-six children in her home every day for over 35 years of her married life.  Either my dads other two sons and hers or she was homeschooling someone else's and I have never walked into her home and saw in a disarray unless she was looking for something.  I want to be a woman of God that can train her daughter to be a well put together lady, a business woman, a confidant, a prayer warrior and a home provider.  And ladies your home being clean and clear of disorganization and clutter fits in that box.   

I was blessed yesterday have a conversation with Helena a Christian, homeschooling mom of 7.  She owns her on cleaning, interior decorating and organization business.  Our consultation is in two weeks. :) She said Michele, I understand how you feel and that shows that you want a loving pleasant home.  When I asked God how I could bless others I said help them achieve a peaceful and organized home.  She say's it is hard with kids trust me I have 7 all are still home, but my husband doesn't come home to a dirty house. Why, because when he comes home, I want him to have my attention without, having to move a plate off the coach to sit down!  LOL  She say's I wake up better knowing my home has order.  She said don't fret that is my gift and God showed me that along time ago.  Now what I tell my clients is embrace that God has someone here to help you bring balance and order back into your home. !!!!   That right there was a shouting moment for me!!!  Like I told her I keep three rooms pretty much clean all the time ,my main floor, but my home has no organization.  I want God to know that I appreciate every thing he gives me.  Not just my children, my car, my husband or my church home but my Home, Home!!!  I want it to look like how I feel about my blessing.

Just a personal confession

Eyes Wide Open....

Sometimes you look at your life and realize you have just been walking with your eyes shut!!!!
Not on purpose!!  You are so busy with life that your eyes are literally shut to what is going on around you.  Today walking into Children Hospital for my oldest Daughter's doctor appt, I saw a beautiful young lady with cerebral palsy or some disease that would affect her spinal development. Her smile lite up the whole parking lot.  Everyone that was able to walk their children into the door, or watch their children run and talk on their own had to  have realize how bless they were right at that moment!!! OR Was their eyes even open?  That beautiful young lady was content and happy despite her circumstances.

We wrap ourselves so into our own problems, concentrate so on our on environments, situations, circumstances and life challenges, we miss the hand of God molding and sculpting our lives showing us how so bless we are despite our circumstances.

Are your Eyes Wide Open,

Have you sat down and realize that no you don't have a mansion but you have a beautiful home.
Have you look around and realize you are not a millionaire but you can afford dinner?
Have just touched your spouse and realize you could be alone in this world?
Have you realized ....?

Today I pray that everyone that reads this post open their eyes WIDE OPEN!!!

I pray that God will anoint those eyes and give you a clear vision on how he has enrichly bless you no matter how much or how little you have.  I am so grateful for all of the blessings he has allowed me to see but those that he reveals to me daily in the stillness of my thoughts.

When I see my daughters laugh or hear my son talk to me about something I have no clue about;  When I catch my husband looking at me intently with a smile that only we share, when I get to laugh at one of my mommies quirky ways, or laugh at my niece's or nephew's because they have eaten a whole pan of rolls.  The big things God does for me are huge, but it is the little things that I overlook that I just want him to know I am so grateful.  I want him to know I delight my self in him.  Psalms 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

I am grateful that with my eyes wide open I can see the hills from which cometh my help!!!  I am just in awe of all that God can, has and will do for me.  Ps121:8

. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.  2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.  3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. 4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.  5 The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.  6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.  7 The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.  8 The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

Please every GET UP AND OPEN YOUR EYES WIDE AND SEE THE GLORY OF GOD!  IF A CHILD CAN UNDERSTAND THAT IN THE MIDST OF HER CONDITION WE SHOULD TOO!!!

A Generational Problem....Breaking the YOKE!!!!

Ephesians 4:29 ESV

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

In my family my dad always talked about people.  It was just how he was raise.  I mean daddy could be cruel and mean and would tell you well you know that is how I am.  A couple a years ago I repeated something my dad said about my Uncle Earl that I thought it was true for the longest, and until I verbalized it I never understood how damaging it was to my Uncle.  He knew that daddy felt that way and that he told the whole family he was this person that he truly was not, but for years it was okay and justified for dad to say it.  It wasn’t until I saw that hurt on my uncle’s face that I realized the cycle that was perpetuated in my life and my husband life just by repeating that statement.   A generational curse enters in through the gateway of our sins knowingly or unknowingly! Yes the sin/curse is broken by salvation but unless all parties are saved than all parties are not free from the curse.    

Exodus 34:7, "Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting (punishing) the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.

"

 So now fast forward to me now…a 46 year old woman that still suffers the verbal abuse from friends but especially family members and for the longest because that was how I was taught that it was okay!  I should just take it because it is family.   If I speak up for myself, I am angry, bitter, unforgiving,  a woman that doesn’t know how to shut up, controlling, wow the list goes on!!!   If I quote a scripture or say God didn’t ordain something all of sudden I am a holier than thou Christian or trying to be a preacher or I have even heard the one I am over-stepping my husband.  If you correct the person than you are wrong because  “You know that this person gets angry and don’t really mean what they say”  or “Michele that is just how they are they didn’t mean no harm” or  “Honey you are a Christian, what would Jesus do”

 I am grateful for a husband that once told me, “ Michele, I don’t curse at you never ever allow any one even your own family members to curse you.”  That was such a poignant statement that it to this day makes me shutter in my seat.  Why because in my house to demean or belittle a woman was common and okay.  God says love her like Christ loves the Church, I have never heard Christ demean a woman but women first you have to love yourself.

  I Cor 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 

Would you mistreat your temple than don’t let anyone else!!!!

SO GOES THE GENERATIONAL CURSE OF DEMEANING WOMEN, ALIENATING FAMILY AND BACK BITING HOW DOES THIS STOP???  Break the chain (Repent or come to Christ), stop the cycle (being apart of the Gossiping and back betting and demeaning behaviors) and pray!!!

Well today I am learning to love myself enough not to allow those that cannot love me back around my family.  I don’t want my daughters to grow up feeling as if every time they leave a room someone is talking about them.  I don’t want my son to feel like he is never good enough.  My daddy did what he was taught.  In his defense he always was trying to prove something to someone because they always said Garrett won’t be any good.  Yet the same Uncle’s that he use to bad mouth so, takes care of his daughter as if she was his own and visits him at least once a month.    He and his wife check on my mom all the time and truthfully the person dad said he was is nowhere near to be the truth.  I know this because he step back and allowed his actions to show his truth.  I declare this day I want the YOKE BROKEN! The Gossiping, Demeaning, Lying and Back Biting that goes on to STOP!  I do not want it to continue on in our family, I don’t want the continued abuse between each other to continue, but for it to stop we must stop, step back and let God! 

We must learn to stay out of the way of the evil one and pray for them that despite-fully use you and mistreat you. When we continue to stay in the chain of the generational curse we continue to perpetuate it.  GOD CAN NOT WORK IF YOU ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO FIX IT.

Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.  

So that means you must not center yourself around them or continue to perpetuate the environment that allows their abusive behavior, because than you allow the devil to take you out of God’s will and purpose.  You do however have to pray that God will change them, give them a clean heart.  Be good to them and whenever you pray for someone you are being good to them.

 Matt. 5:44 God’s word says, “ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite-fully use you, and persecute you;”

 It doesn’t mean you love someone less to demand respect!  It just means you love yourself like God loves you.   

DO SOMETHING PRAY!!!

Just one of those days :) Count it all JOY!!

Just one of those Days J

So last night I had a bad fall.  Those that know me know since I was a child I have always been prone to falls.  My equilibrium or something, the doctor has yet to find out why but anyway I have adjusted over the years. When I was young it was at least twice a week now it is about once every three months. Well anyway the key to this fall is water on my ceramic floor I couldn't see.

Isn't it funny how the devil seems to always have something up the road we just don’t see. Today mines was the fall from last night.  I feel on my bottom so I didn't think I had any injury nor did I think I would be sore BUT this morning… My weekly Mondays are Tuesday’s!!! The day I have to get up and get it moving I realized I am not the same old gray mare.  I AM SO SORE!!!!     

I had so much planned today…get caught up on a client, get to my other client’s early, get the women’s day program printed, take the girls to library and to practice and guess what I just don’t feel like it.

Today is just one of those days that as I planned out my activities to be a productive and effective Wife, Mother, Entrepreneur and Pastors Wife …I am hitting rock bottom.  So today is just one of those days I am going to count it all JOY, thank God for my willingness to serve HIM and place it in His hands that all get done.

Maybe God allows for the falls in my life so that I can sit down and let Him handle it for me.  Sometimes he wants me to realize I am not supper woman, and everyone's Matador!!!  He wants me to allow him to be my Matador….the  one who leads the charge in my life endeavors. 

So as I decide which one of the activities I am cancelling out for today… I pray I encourage someone else that today and every day should be just one of those days that you must realize you are mere flesh and blood nothing without the assistance of Christ.  So I cry out I am more than a conquer;  Romans 8:37, Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

I can do all things,….Phill 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

and most of all THE LORD is my SHEPHERD!!! Psalms 23:1

A Pastor's Wife Rant, LOL Volume 1.1

Well here I go again, LOL!!!  Pastor Wife on a rampage…. So at a meeting I attended the question was asked, “What is the Role of the Pastor Wife in the 21^st century?”  My question was, why it has changed.? Truthfully I allowed for  my question to be misunderstood because the road it took was quite interesting, but what I truly meant is why all of a sudden do we have (Pastor Wives, First Ladies whatever title you prefer) to have such a dramatic role versus the role of the older church. 

I remember a time where the Pastor’s wife was considered the Mother of the Church?  A humbling role A thankless role, but a much needed role none the less.  Now the ladies dub the Pastor’s wife often time is too busy doing everything else in the church, preaching, administration, fashion show, gossiping, etc to be a mother to her own children.  I am not trying to condemning but questioned.  She was respected.  She was honored for her loving attributes and humbling ways.  She was often the one that handled the younger children and talked to the younger women.

I once heard an older Pastor Wife say to another pastor’s wife, I am so proud of you young lady you have gave us a voice in the church, when I turned around the young lady’s son was climbing on the pews and her daughter was waddling up on the pulpit. I know I know I am very old school.  NO my kids never ventured near the pulpit and climb over the pews, me and my switch will still be getting happy!!!  There is no reverence in the church because we the person God gave charge of the Children have dropped the ball.

Our new pastor wives dress any way and some of our older ones do too.  Now I like my dresses above my knee and no sleeves are okay for me, but my dress is not ever on my butt and in certain arenas I feel uncomfortable with my dress at my knee.   Yet I would never go up on a stage with tight pants, underwear showing and other things showing and call myself my husband wife.  I am just saying…  The clothes that I wear to church are different from the set for work, but my dress standards are the same all week. 

One of the older mothers stated that it is because that all ministers are not called, well quite frankly that ain’t got nothing to do with his wife.  Let me tell you this, my father wasn't saved but it didn't keep my mother from being saved.  One thing about a marriage is although we become one we will still stand alone in judgment.  For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.  2 Cor 5:10   So whether that man is called or not his wife as a Christian should still feel obligated to represent herself as a Christian.  We must be set apart.

The ladies don’t know I sit back and listen and I gleam wisdom from them and sometimes it is not always in the direction they may think.  I respect them so but I do feel that we as Pastor Wives have forgotten our first calling and it is not to the church it is to Christ!!!!!  My hierarchy is simple, Christ, Husband, children, than church.  Sorry but God didn’t call me he call my husband.  As his wife I accept certain responsibilities but if it is not in line with God’s word than I am not really impressed.  Basically ladies and gentlemen there is no reference, title or specific responsibilities for a Pastor’s Wife or First Lady.  There is however a well-defined definition and list of responsibilities as a Wife and Mother, which for me is my first calling.

 Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV / 443 helpful votes

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.

1 Peter 3:1-6 ESV 

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,

Proverbs 12:4 ESV

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Titus 2:1-15 ESV 

But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Did  you know that if your husband leaves his pastorate you are no longer a pastor's wife, but you are still a church member, you are still his wife and you are still your children mother!!!!  So, I am merely a member of New Truth, who so happens to be married to their pastor! I am honored by their love and treasure their respect but I often remind them I am sinner saved by Grace.

I pray that my life is an example to others and do not create an air of superiority or royalty in that role.  Because quite frankly as his wife my biggest job is to ensure his home is well maintained, his children are reared and that I am a helpmeet to him in every aspect of our marriage and that does not always include his ministry!!!  My role as a church member is to be the best member I can be.  That may call me to sing, it may call me to teach, it may call me to help my husband as secretary, nurse or cleaning crew, but foot I have that job at home anyway!!!  As always, just my two cents!!!

Please check out the links below don’t agree with everything but good read…

http://www.9marks.org/blog/she-questions-potential-pastor%E2%80%99s-wife

http://blog.tifwe.org/four-principles-of-biblical-stewardship/

http://www.sats.edu.za/userfiles/RebuliSmith_PastorsWife.pdf

http://www.openbible.info/topics/being_a_good_wife

In AWE OF HIS AWESOMENESS!!!!--JUST AMAZED

In AWE of HIS AWESOMENESS!!!!

When I sit and think on how precious and wonderful God is, I just want to dance, dance, dance all night.  I love to sit in the stillness of the day or night and listen to God just whisper sweet words to me. They are like sweet kisses that make me warm all in side. I love knowing that because of my trust, belief and love of him…He has given me joy beyond compare and love unimaginable. 

I bask in the joy of knowing that no MAN can speak life into my life or death into my life but the Son of God is life and life more abundantly.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.John 10:10

But is now made manifest by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who hath abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel: 2 Timothy 1:1-10

 I am in awe in the very simple things He gives us every day to let us know that we are His children and He calls us his own.

So you are no longer a slave but a son, and if you are a son, then you are also an heir through God (Galatians 4:7).

When I open my eyes it is Jesus, When I place my feet on the ground oh it is Jesus, When I take that deep fresh breath, Jesus; When I look around and see my Boaz, Jesus; When I walk into each child room, no harm no danger Jesus; When my cupboards are full (not running over but never running out) Jesus, When he carries me through my midnights, Jesus; When he gives me my Sunlight, Jesus; When he cover my love ones, Jesus;  When he watch over my enemies, Jesus; When he protects me from the seen and un-seen, Jesus; with my angels camp all around me I know Jesus protects me, my precious King!!!

Have you ever just sat back and wonder where you would be without his favor without his love without his inner peace.  This morning when I woke up and thought about all of the news I have been given in just these last few weeks and then I think of the promises he made ME!!! When I think about the re-connections!  Even when I receive bad news, He is always there to cover ME!!!  See when you truly have a relationship with Christ you don’t need anyone to tell you what He will and won’t do for you. I have been blessed to have men and women in my life that don’t just talk a talk but walk a walk.  My baby brother believing and trusting God for something and look at God!!!  My husband wounded and worn from his father’s death but him using his lost as a foot stool to a better relationships with men LOOK at God!!!  My son trusting God for something, Look at GOD!!! My mom knowing that God had told her something and trusting and believing and LOOK AT GOD!!!  No matter what the Nay Sayers or the devil may say, when God tells you something you believe God, NO ONE ELSE!!!!!  He will show you if you are in His will or not.  Always remember God’s will, will not have be disrespectful to his people, rude or haughty to his people, ugly to his people or boisterous to his people.  He will give you a quiet spirit a loving spirit a kind spirit yet a confident spirit. 

You may need encouragement but mommy always told me that the bible says, “Ye search the scriptures”

 Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me. John 5:39 

Pastor, keeps telling us we have to read his word for ourselves, we must have a dedicated prayer life and devotion life. 

I go back to when I was growing up and I would hear mommy sing I go to the garden alone (not with anyone else) while the dew is still on the roses, the voice I hear falling on my ear….And he walks with me and he talks with me and he tells me that I am his own.  I am simple like Donnie McClurkin when he sings….I am AMAZED!!!!

Everybody's MOM......Hannah's Prayer

So many times we as women take on the position “Every (bodies) Mom”  Collecting bodies (children) as we grow, I guess I am no different. J   In my devotion reading today I was reading a testimony on how a young ladies whole outlook on her Christianity changes just because of a prayer challenge.  God is funny…these last few months I put myself on a prayer challenge writing down every time the praying spirit comes over me.  It has truly been an aww opening experience.  Nothing Earth shattering has happened other than God has opened my eyes to see things that have been evident to me all along but for whatever reason I couldn’t see.

Like this young lady, I don’t remember this Prayer in the bible. Note: a bible scholar I do not claim to be, but I usually remember my bible stories pretty well.  Yet when I read it I remember when I had my first born.  My prayer while I was pregnant and when I had him was this: “ Lord please bless my son, give him all of his limbs, his bodily functions, make him normal, heal him Lord (because they knew he was sick) give me my son, please Jesus.”  It was a pretty simple prayer, but my heart was broken and contrite and I meant every word.  I was only a scared little girl myself…yes I was 25 but now I know I was just a baby myself!!!!

When he came out of his surgery to correct his kidney’s and Dr. Baraza gave us his prognosis “A normal little man that would grow up to be as tall and big as me” is what he said!!! (The Doctor was over 6’3) I simply cried all the way home holding my precious preemie and said “Lord, thank you for answering my prayer it is what I have been praying for nine months (he was two months at that time) and you bless me with prayers I give this child back to you and I will raise him to love you and honor you and he will serve you Lord.”  I was simply a baby myself I had no idea what I was praying and I was definitely not in God’s word the way I should be, but from that day on I prayed that over each Child I had.

The moral of the story is this…..Trust God ladies with every fiber of your being, but don’t forget to cover our babies.  Now that my babies are growing up God has blessed me with so many adopted babies through various means, college, church, nonprofit programs, and friends.  They don’t think they are adopted but they are mines.  I pray for them every day, I ask God to cover them, protect them, shield them from all hurt and danger and make them normal.  When I go into a youth class I pray Lord let me teach them to serve you for the rest of their days. 

Now granted because of my stance on children I must pick up a new baby every day, foot I only sent two off to College but it feel as if I have at least 10 boys in college, and six girls and I pray that none of them read this post because if I forget one I won’t hear the end of this, LOL!  God knows I love the children and if my little pieces in their lives help them live for Christ all of their days than to God be the GLORY!!!! Because I love being Everybody's MOM!!!! :)

Hannah’s Prayer… I Samuel 1:27-28 “I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord.  For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord