A Wounded Heart To Mend

A wounded heart to mend!!!!

Psalms 147:3, "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."

This may not touch anyone’s life but mines, but I pray it blesses someone along the way. 

As I ponder my life and the journey have seen thus far, I am shock how wounded and damage I am.  Life has thrown many blows.  Yet in the past three years it seems as if many of those deep seeded wounds have resurface to only try to destroy me from within.  As a child I never understood why my father’s favorite name for me was that little Heifer, or why whenever he had a chance he would tell someone something to make them think I was a really bad person, or even get me in trouble with my mom. As I grew I stop really looking to him for validation and just knew that as long as I loved as hard as I could God would place someone there to love me back. 

So each time I love one of my brothers I got another one, and another one until finally he gave me another best friend my little sister.  As I got older I realized the joy in loving people but I also realized that I wasn’t getting love back.  Oh yeah they say they love you but will they sacrifice on the level you will for them. (reminds us how we treat Jesus)  As I got older I realized how damaged my father was and how much he hated his own mother so he had no respect or love toward women.  Yet even though God started revealing these things to me, I never understood how he was mending my hurt!!!! To find out that your dad would lie and tell everyone that you were taking his money or how he paid for college when he didn't.  To find out how he would pit your siblings against you and all the time you are under the impression they were just having a bad day.  How could one person be so spiteful? How could God allow a parent to hurt a child so bad?   Now, realizing the boys he use to let abuse you were his children from his mistress was the straw that broke my back…!!! Yet understand I myself had to understand the depth of my fathers hurt before I could ever realize the damage I had.  This isn't about bashing my daddy, it is simply to teach everyone that God can mend a wounded heart.  See it has taken 67 years for my dad to truly see me as a loving person.  It has also taken him 67 years to realize that GOD is in control of his life and no one else.  It has taken him all of these years to take responsibility of the actions and decisions he has made, and it is a hard thing for us "man/woman" to look in the mirror.  Yet in his reality, there has come some reality that I myself wasn't ready to see.....

Now fast forward……….. I am 44 and I am now realizing that the words and description that people have categorized me as have always been depicted by what my daddy has made people believe.  Because I can speak pretty well, or because I have no problem expressing myself, or because I am outgoing and read the bible for myself;  I am always something other than a young lady that simply love the Lord, that simply loves her family that simply wants to be the best wife, mother, sister and daughter she can be.  Yes I will fight you tooth and nail for my family but I would never purposely hurt on lie on my family members.  Yesterday was an eye opening experience that I won’t ever be able to clearly explain but I realize that people are shock to find out that I don’t really like the spot light, I don’t really want the fanfare, I simply want somebody to love me for me.  It hurts to know that deep down even the people you love the most don’t see you as the person you try to be.  It hurts to know that no matter how quiet or how much you pray that God shows them how much you truly love them or how much you want them to have the best, they prefer to see the negative. 

Well as I pondered this …..God as always heard my mind!  He sent several people to tell me I see you are wounded but I got the healing potion!!! See when a bird’s wing is wounded he never stops trying to fly….Yet until it is healed and has built some strength he never gets off the ground.  Now the little bird walks “in faith”  every time he tries to fly because he knows sooner or later God is going to heal his wing and return him to the sky, but his  “in faith” may just get him killed!!!!  See if he doesn’t get off the ground in just the right way a car could either hit him or run over him, yet he still walks in the faith that God will let him fly again. 

Now I am that little bird…..I have never really flown, I have been wounded since childhood….every now and then I may sore just a little bit in the air, but over and over again that same wound keeps being opened up and down to the ground I fall!!!!  I am back at the place where no one see’s me fighting just to be loved as a sister, daughter, wife or mother!  Everyone only sees the business women, the fighter, the activities, the go getter not just Michele.  A man asked me the other day are you a minister, I laughed because I can’t get sister, daughter, wife and mother right and you asking me this question.  Why?  Because I can talk, because I read God’s word or because you yourself can’t believe that a women like me simply wants to be me, without the titles and the accolades. 

So Lord I Speak to the pain and release it into Jesus' hands!!!  Lord I am wounded….my heart is not broken for the brokenness you have been mending all along yet when you put two broke pieces together or better yet when you put shattered pieces together there are always scares to show the wounds.  Now if one of those scares do not heal right it will leave a scare, or a hard scab that stays sore.  That is where my heart is…  A wounded heart who can mend?  I know Jesus but a wounded heart is the easiest to hide.  Why because it is still a whole heart.  That wound could be a deep hole or a long scare.  The problem with the deep hole is that every time the heart pumps the hole is covered up, so Lord can you see my wounds?  Yes I hear everyone saying God sees all!!!  Well Lord can you hear my soul crying…..!!! I know I know he hears all!

 So Lord, I summit my fears, my many years of hurt and un-acceptance to you.  Let me know that despite what man may want to believe, say or do no one has power over me but you!!!  No Preacher, Pastor, Man, Women, or Satan has power over my life but you!!!

 

My dear reader… this is my life!!! This may even be the first chapter of my book… but please know this….Christ healeth the broken in heart,.... Christ is a physician; many are the diseases of his people; he heals them all by his blood, stripes, wounds; and among the rest their broken hearts, which none can cure but himself; hearts broken words. By applying pardoning grace and mercy to all that request it, streaming through his blood; and bindeth up their wounds; or "griefs" (n); and so gives them ease, health, and peace, for which they have abundant reason to call upon their souls to bless his name and sing his praise;  by Gill Exposition

 

See my beloved one thing I am sure that GOD will MAKE A WAY!!!! GOD WILL SUPPLY ALL OF MY NEEDS!!!!!!  GOD WILL MEND MY BROKEN HEART!!!!!!   HE IS MY LAWYER IN A COURT ROOM, MY BANKER IN THE FINANCE ROOM, MY DELIVERANCE IN THE TIME OF A STORM AND MY DOCTOR IN THE SICK ROOM!!!

If it wasn’t for this statement here I wouldn’t be able to declare in the words of Marvin Sapp…..

I WIN!!!!!

 

2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

1 Peter 5:7, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."