I read a story on last week and I myself said I don’t know
if I could do this.Yet the sacrifice of
love…. that this woman did was so beautiful I understood so much about the saying when
mommy would say sometimes you will give 100% and he will give 0.Sometimes he will give 100 and you will be 0
but those are the times that will truly show if you or he really loves. See can you love me when I ain’t giving
nothing, when I am so wipe out at life that I just can’t.When failed hopes and dreams has destroyed me
from within; when family has hurt and destroyed my trust so that I stop
trusting?What is your LOVE Sacrifice!
This story is long but worth the time if you
question if you are really in love.See
not to long ago my mother said her commitment was not to my dad but to
God.Her marriage was not for the world’s
glory but God.So what is your love sacrifice?A couple of months ago a man I admired so
past and I literally watch a light go out in his wife.I knew there was something I admired much in
her but I could never place it, was it her love for Christ (Yes) her love for
her Children Yes) her love for her husband (Yes)!!!
Pastor and Sis. Wendell Spencer
See I know
from her testimony her love sacrifice was a lot, because I am a pastor’s wife
and sometimes not because they don’t want to but they just can’t you have to
fill in the gaps for them because they are carrying everyone else’s
burdens.Sometimes you have to pray for
him when he don’t know it because the world and his flock will severely misuse
and abuse him and sometimes you just LOVE on him to build him up because THAT IS WHAT a Love Sacrifice is!!!!Real Talk ladies….Stop looking
for him to always be the one carrying you.Loving on you, respecting you, building you up and supporting you.Trust and believe if you become one with your
man sometimes you will have to give 100%, and sometimes he will be the 100% but
that is loves sacrifice.50/50 days do
come and they are beautiful.70/30 is
good too, but I have had a couple of 100% and 0% going both ways and I am here to tell you they
may have been some hard days and low moments but Guess what the Oneness between
DeeFin(Pastor Finley-for those political correct people) and I is more
beautiful than the 50/50 days by far!!!!!Real Talk!!!
Proverbs 31:10-12 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.11 The heart of
her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.12 She
will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
A song writer said.... I wish I could tell you just what I want and you would give it to me just like that!!!!!
That is my testimony today!!!!
When God gave me this title for my blog I really didn't understand exactly what He was doing with it, but I see that my life has been a faith walk every step of the way. My Dad never knew how to love me but I had faith that God did. My brothers have no concept of who I really am but I have always had faith that God knew who I am. My sister has always depended on me but the majority of my life the ones I thought I could depend on have one by one been taken away, but God!! My husband as loving, supportive and protective as he is can not protect me from the hurts of life that hits the inner soul of a women!! My Children fill me with Love, admoration and pride but the emptiness that comes with life only God can fill. So no matter how beautiful your life may seem, it always throws some crazy blows at us and sometimes they are not blows; they are simple NO's from our heavenly father!!!!
The no's hurt worst than the maybe's. I will never ever understand all of the hurts I have experience in my life, but I do understand that God has a plan for me and I understand that sometimes he simply says no!!!!
His no is complete, there is no turning back the clock or bringing back the years that are missed, but I pray daily that the void He has allowed to be place in my heart, the emptines and lonliness is soon filled with love and joy once again.
So my testimony to you...my beloved is Walking in Faith is not an easy task. It is not something so easily acquired. There is no floor plan or map...it is simply walking, trusting and believing that:
1. God is God all by Himself
2. My ways are not his wayIsaiah 55:8-9
3. He has a plan for me that I will not always understandJeremiah 29:11
4. His will is perfect(Romans 12:2
5. His love is true and sacrificial Romans 5:8; 1 John 4:9-10
6. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God Romans 10:17
7. You can not have faith in him if you don't believe in him, you can not believe in him, if you don't trust him and you can not trust him if you don't Love HIM!!!! John 14:15-30
So my friends listend to my Testimony...and know that I am going walk in faith everyday...no matter what, sooooooooooo
I'll cry till he tells me let it go let it be, because oh Lord your will is what's Best for me!!!!
Psalms 147:3, "He healeth the
broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."
This may not touch anyone’s life but mines, but I pray it
blesses someone along the way.
As I ponder my life and the journey have seen thus far, I am
shock how wounded and damage I am.Life
has thrown many blows.Yet in the past
three years it seems as if many of those deep seeded wounds have resurface to
only try to destroy me from within.As a
child I never understood why my father’s favorite name for me was that little Heifer,
or why whenever he had a chance he would tell someone something to make them
think I was a really bad person, or even get me in trouble with my mom. As I
grew I stop really looking to him for validation and just knew that as long as
I loved as hard as I could God would place someone there to love me back.
So each time I love one of my brothers I got another one,
and another one until finally he gave me another best friend my little sister.As I got older I realized the joy in loving
people but I also realized that I wasn’t getting love back.Oh yeah they say they love you but will they
sacrifice on the level you will for them. (reminds us how we treat Jesus)As I got older I realized how damaged my
father was and how much he hated his own mother so he had no respect or love
toward women.Yet even though God
started revealing these things to me, I never understood how he was mending my
hurt!!!! To find out that your dad would lie and tell everyone that you were
taking his money or how he paid for college when he didn't.To find out how he would pit your siblings
against you and all the time you are under the impression they were just having
a bad day.How could one person be so
spiteful? How could God allow a parent to hurt a child so bad?Now, realizing the boys he use to let abuse
you were his children from his mistress was the straw that broke my back…!!! Yet understand I myself had to understand the depth of my fathers hurt before I could ever realize the damage I had. This isn't about bashing my daddy, it is simply to teach everyone that God can mend a wounded heart. See it has taken 67 years for my dad to truly see me as a loving person. It has also taken him 67 years to realize that GOD is in control of his life and no one else. It has taken him all of these years to take responsibility of the actions and decisions he has made, and it is a hard thing for us "man/woman" to look in the mirror. Yet in his reality, there has come some reality that I myself wasn't ready to see.....
Now fast forward……….. I am 44 and I am now realizing that
the words and description that people have categorized me as have always been
depicted by what my daddy has made people believe.Because I can speak pretty well, or because I
have no problem expressing myself, or because I am outgoing and read the bible
for myself; I am always something other
than a young lady that simply love the Lord, that simply loves her family that
simply wants to be the best wife, mother, sister and daughter she can be.Yes I will fight you tooth and nail for my
family but I would never purposely hurt on lie on my family members.Yesterday was an eye opening experience that
I won’t ever be able to clearly explain but I realize that people are shock to
find out that I don’t really like the spot light, I don’t really want the fanfare,
I simply want somebody to love me for me.It hurts to know that deep down even the people you love the most don’t
see you as the person you try to be.It
hurts to know that no matter how quiet or how much you pray that God shows them
how much you truly love them or how much you want them to have the best, they
prefer to see the negative.
Well as I pondered this …..God as always heard my mind!He sent several people to tell me I see you
are wounded but I got the healing potion!!! See when a bird’s wing is wounded
he never stops trying to fly….Yet until it is healed and has built some
strength he never gets off the ground.Now the little bird walks “in faith”every time he tries to fly because he knows sooner or later God is going
to heal his wing and return him to the sky, but his“in faith” may just get him killed!!!!See if he doesn’t get off the ground in just
the right way a car could either hit him or run over him, yet he still walks in
the faith that God will let him fly again.
Now I am that little bird…..I have never really flown, I
have been wounded since childhood….every now and then I may sore just a little
bit in the air, but over and over again that same wound keeps being opened up
and down to the ground I fall!!!!I am
back at the place where no one see’s me fighting just to be loved as a sister,
daughter, wife or mother!Everyone only
sees the business women, the fighter, the activities, the go getter not just
Michele. A man asked me the other day
are you a minister, I laughed because I can’t get sister, daughter, wife and
mother right and you asking me this question.Why?Because I can talk, because
I read God’s word or because you yourself can’t believe that a women like me
simply wants to be me, without the titles and the accolades.
So Lord I Speak
to the pain and release it into Jesus' hands!!!Lord I am wounded….my heart is not broken for the brokenness you
have been mending all along yet when you put two broke pieces together or
better yet when you put shattered pieces together there are always scares to
show the wounds.Now if one of those
scares do not heal right it will leave a scare, or a hard scab that stays
sore.That is where my heart is…A wounded heart who can mend?I know Jesus but a wounded heart is the
easiest to hide.Why because it is still
a whole heart.That wound could be a
deep hole or a long scare.The problem
with the deep hole is that every time the heart pumps the hole is covered up,
so Lord can you see my wounds?Yes I
hear everyone saying God sees all!!!Well Lord
can you hear my soul crying…..!!! I know I know he hears all!
So Lord, I summit my fears, my many years of
hurt and un-acceptance to you.Let me
know that despite what man may want to believe, say or do no one has power over me
but you!!!No Preacher, Pastor, Man,
Women, or Satan has power over my life but you!!!
My dear reader… this is my life!!! This may even be the first
chapter of my book… but please know this….Christ healeth the broken in
heart,.... Christ is a physician; many are the diseases of his people; he heals
them all by his blood, stripes, wounds; and among the rest their broken hearts,
which none can cure but himself; hearts broken words. By applying pardoning grace and mercy to all that request it,
streaming through his blood; and bindeth up their wounds; or "griefs"
(n); and so gives them ease, health, and peace, for which they have abundant
reason to call upon their souls to bless his name and sing his praise; by Gill Exposition
See my beloved one thing I am sure that GOD will MAKE A WAY!!!! GOD WILL SUPPLY ALL OF MY NEEDS!!!!!! GOD WILL MEND MY BROKEN HEART!!!!!! HE IS MY LAWYER IN A COURT ROOM, MY BANKER IN THE FINANCE ROOM, MY DELIVERANCE IN THE TIME OF A STORM AND MY DOCTOR IN THE SICK ROOM!!!
If it wasn’t
for this statement here I wouldn’t be able to declare in the words of Marvin
Sapp…..
I WIN!!!!!
2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit
of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
1 Peter 5:7,
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."
Well anyone that knows me knows I am not into the Sisterhood
movement, the First Lady classification or the publicized ideology that I have
to be loud, ignorant, arrogant, rude, bible toting, hat wearing, snobbish
acting, unfriendly, 300.00 suit wearing, person to be a saved, well versed,
loving, bible believing, Holy Spirit filled Christian wife of a Pastor!I hope I have covered every aspect of what
they are trying to portray a pastor’s wife as.
For this cause I
titled this one Pastor’s Wife Volume I. Why because I for see other volume’s to
come. LOL!!!
Well yesterday I had
the esteem pleasure of meeting a young lady, whose husband is just totally on
fire for Christ, that didn’t walk around the church like she was “first lady”
but more like first mother, first sister and first friend of the members of her
church.She was humble, quiet, didn’t
look for any fan fair but received it simply because how she has stepped back
and let the Jesus shine in her.
Side bar I have never been to
such an outstanding real anniversary in my life!!!!Not a bunch of fake people loving on their
pastor, but not a dry eye for every story that was told about the pastor and
his love for his church and the love his wife has put into the church.
It was a breath of fresh air to see a Pastor’s wife that
simply wanted to see her husband’s calling fulfilled to God’s glory.Listening to her testimony was just beautiful
and refreshing.It was even more
delightful to see how he and her still had the laughter and joy between each
other that I see sometimes dwindle in all marriage couples.That happens to be one of the hardest things
for two married people to keep up the laughter, the joy, passion and enjoyment
in their marriage, especially when the other women is the church!!!!
So today’s blog is to encourage my sisters in the ministry
of pastor wives!!! It is a thankless job but I am proud to be one.I don’t need any other title.I have no problem with my husband spending
every waking moment at the church because I know Christ must be his first
responsibility.My trust and faith is
that Christ will remind him that he has a wife at home.Now so far Ladies, God has been faithfully on
his Job!!I may not see him like I use
to but every now and then he lets me know I am the women of his dreams.It is the every now and then time that I am
trying to learn to treasures.As my
sister said yesterday that is hard sometimes but it is our responsibility to
ensure that the ministry that our husbands have begun is completed to God’s
glory not our own.
We are his help mates that mean that we must also ensure he
meets the obligations that God has placed on his life. That may mean going to
bed without him one night because he must sit at a hospital bed side all night,
or repair a ceiling in the church before a grand event.It may mean cooking dinner fora church function because sisters forget their duties that
Sunday.It may mean giving up a couple
date nights to help him clean up the new church building that was just donated
to you, or leave church without him because he has to counsel someone through
some hard times.It means giving him
the mental freedom to love on his congregation freely even though you know how
bad they have talked about him and treated him.It especially means being a valued part of that congregation and taking
up the slack where others members fall short.(I tell my husband ain’t no member her is going to out due me on loving
my pastor, LOL) :) You have to remember you are
just as much of a member as the other members and the more support you give
your pastor and holding him up the more desire he has to love you back, even
his wife!!!! The truth of the matter is that a True Call man of God is going to
do THE Fathers business with or without you!The ones that leave a church for his wife, or stop doing God’s work for
you hasn’t saved a marriage but destroyed a calling and to for some their lives.In the end you can be a part of the solution
or a problem Christ will have to remove.You make the choice!
I enjoyed sharing some common concerns with my sisters in
Christ but I enjoyed even more how she has embraced her husband’s vision, her
husband passion and love for Christ and his church!Just another example of a Pastor’s wife who
the church has no problem claiming as their FIRST LADY!!!!
I am so heart broken. Life is not what I expected it to be for the children in today's society. I could get on a soap box and say it is because we as parents are not doing our job. I could stand and quote scriptures and point a finger and tell everyone how wrong we are. I could say it is because we are not preaching and teach our kids the word of God! I could do all of that but it wouldn't change a poianted fact. Our children have substituted the TV for family time; the video came for encouragement; blogs for expressions; social media for counseling and Internet for friends.
I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this story because I pray it may bless someones child along the way. My daughter came to me and asked me could she talked to me. Before I continue let me put a disclaimer out, I totally shun children having facebook pages and instagrams, I can't stand video games, TV and even the internet for my kids but the reality is to function in a technology world they must be techically savy. So when my daughter showed me a group that allowed her to draw her clothing design, I said okay. Now there was so many rules, no real names, no real personal information and I must be able to read any information at all time and have access to her passwords.
I have a very open relationship with all of my children so I was not worried about what she was going to say to me because she is the one child that seems to tell me everything. I mean everything even the things I don't want to know (LOL). Parents don't get that statment twisted I am not under the impression that my children wouldn't hide something from me, because I don't care how open your child is there is always that one situation.
So she says mommy on my page where I design clothes at I meet a good pen pal and we have been friends for two years. I immediately assume it was a boy and she said noooo mommy and smile!!! Yet I saw tears in her eyes and heard the cracking in her voice. She said mommy I am really not into the Internet other than for music and downloading the books I read. So when the site closed down I didn't talk to my friend as much as I use too. Today she fell on my heart and I went out on the Internet to find her, mommy she committed suicide. I was simply broken!!!! Just broken as my baby fell into my arms full of tears and emotion feeling like if she was still witnessing to her she would be alive.
She said I knew she had problems and than she shared with me the young ladies story, due to the graphic situation I will not share but what every you can imagine probably happen. Note that the problems that these young lady had wasn't because she wasn't saved it was because she didn't have any one to show her how salvation can heal, restore and mend brokeness. It is also because so many times it is the people we trust to do the above for us that hurts us the most.
After much research that night, we found the family and reach out to them. Please pray the mother is battling cancer so the family is really going through. Please pray!
Psalm 34:17-20 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.
She said mommy a lot of times I wouldn't stop talking to her unless she promise she was okay. She told me that she was getting helped that she had gotten saved.... As she continued to cry!!
As I pondered this through the night, I wondered how many other little girls and boys are using any
outlet they can to share their story and their parents have no clue the emotional turmoil they are going through. I have pondered over and over again in my head what could we have done to help this young lady.
Children are not equipped to counsel children and some adults are not either. So what do we do people? I need suggestion because this is really bothering me!!!
The bible says train up a child but what if the parents haven't been trained. The older women are to teach the younger but what if they don't know? People, friends, families and foes what are we going to do to stop our babies from killing themselves and each other?
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Looking for Christian that fear not and are ready to not be dismayed. We need to strengthen for this generation to make it and believe that God will hold us up with His Right hand!!!
As I ponder in my mind I ask myself this question, " What if I didn't have faith?" Notice I didn't say my faith. So let me make it clear I don't mean my denomination or Christian affliation. I mean what if I didn't or couldn't trust in something? What if the God I serve only allowed me to see the natural? What if my mind only accepted the logical? What if my flesh could only receive the physical? What if I didn't have FAITH????
A couple of days ago I was talking to a parent and she explained to me that her child will be graduating this year. Now me with my love of children got excited, my first question was what does she want to do? She says she wants to be a doctor!!! Now I am supper hyped? Before I could go any further she said I am trying to talk her out of it. I look puzzled! I said "for real?" She said oh yes we don't have money for her to be no doctor she should be a nurse or something with only four years. I said is that faith? Now she looked puzzled. I commenced to telling her the story of Alex and Aleisha going to college last year.
See Alex got a scholarship and while Aleisha got one it wasn't to the school she wanted to go to. So I said Aleisha God will make a way. Now I told my sister when she was a baby if she wanted to go to school I would pay for it, not knowing how much it would cost! LOL! Well here comes the day... two kids in college, two tuition and quite frankly no money. I never stopped praying and I never stopped having faith. See I asked God for several signs' that I was doing His will with my children and with each one He would come through. One of those signs was that they would be accepted in the college of their choice, the next was a new and larger contract, and the next was that they would get scholarships. Well now here comes my dilema, Alex got one but Aleisha didn't at least not at Tuskegee. What was God saying?
Well I went back to my knees and I said Lord Faith is the substance of things hoped for (I was hoping for a scholarship) and the evidence of things not seen (but I didn't see evidence of my faith)!!! So here I go getting in the cars loading up two cars and headed to Tuskegee knowing I didn't have 8k a month to pay for a student. But Faith, But God....I could give you every but in the world because the reality of the matter said one thing, man said another thing but God had it all in his hands.
In faith I packed my son and sister up; In faith I drove to Tuskegee; In faith I walked on Tuskegee Campus; In faith I went to the kids dorm rooms knowing that I didn't have the money, but GOD!!! When I got to the campus I was called to a Dean's office he said I need to talk to your students. He handed them two more scholarships! When we left his office in tears my balance for two kids went from almost 10K a month to 1200.00 a month for the both! Now I am not going to lie I shouted all across Tuskegee University Campus. I just kept telling everybody how good God was and is. I stopped a lady who was frustrated and told her do you believe in God she said yes well girl don't you take your baby home you go right back in there. While on your knees to Christ asking him to intercede in your childs behalf. See,I don't know who shouted more, my husband, my mom, my kids or me. Yet we were some shouting fouls!!!! God SHOWED OUT, WHY BECAUSE OF THE EVIDENCE NOT SEEN!!!
See I don't know any one else but God. I can't rely on anyone else but him and I could not exsist if I didn't have faith that he would pull me through! It is hard some times; to see your family in disarray, to see your finances fall short, to see your relationships not where you feel they should be, BUT GOD!! Right now I am walking in pure faith that God will answer a prayer for me, but the evidence is just not there, but GOD! God doesn't work in our Natural situations He must work in the spiritual realm to get his desired natural reaction. WOW... I just witnessed to myself!
Faith is for the faithful not the faithless! It is so hard to be faithful when there is no evidence that what you are believing God to do is there. But God is an Evidence maker!!! Faithfulness is one of the hardest act that we as Christian must exemplfy! The song writer says we are not a natural being living a spiritual experience, but we are a spiritual being living this natural experience. He is saying to stop looking at the Facts or reality of a situation, you must always deal with Christ on a spiritual level because when you don't you won't be able to experience the evidence not seen!!!
My mommy says it like this Fact says one thing, reality says another but God says.......now you fill in the blank!!
Pastor and Sis. Wendell Spencer