So many times we as women take on the position “Every (bodies)
Mom” Collecting bodies (children) as we grow, I guess I am no different. JIn my devotion reading today I was reading a
testimony on how a young ladies whole outlook on her Christianity changes just
because of a prayer challenge.God is
funny…these last few months I put myself on a prayer challenge writing down
every time the praying spirit comes over me.It has truly been an aww opening experience.Nothing Earth shattering has happened other
than God has opened my eyes to see things that have been evident to me all
along but for whatever reason I couldn’t see.
Like this young lady, I don’t remember this Prayer in the bible.
Note: a bible scholar I do not claim to be, but I usually remember my bible
stories pretty well.Yet when I read it
I remember when I had my first born.My
prayer while I was pregnant and when I had him was this: “ Lord please bless my
son, give him all of his limbs, his bodily functions, make him normal, heal him
Lord (because they knew he was sick) give me my son, please Jesus.”It was a pretty simple prayer, but my heart
was broken and contrite and I meant every word.I was only a scared little girl myself…yes I was 25 but now I know I was
just a baby myself!!!!
When he came out of his surgery to correct his kidney’s and
Dr. Baraza gave us his prognosis “A normal little man that would grow up to be
as tall and big as me” is what he said!!! (The Doctor was over 6’3) I simply
cried all the way home holding my precious preemie and said “Lord, thank you
for answering my prayer it is what I have been praying for nine months (he was
two months at that time) and you bless me with prayers I give this child back
to you and I will raise him to love you and honor you and he will serve you
Lord.”I was simply a baby myself I had
no idea what I was praying and I was definitely not in God’s word the way I
should be, but from that day on I prayed that over each Child I had.
The moral of the story is this…..Trust God ladies with every
fiber of your being, but don’t forget to cover our babies.Now that my babies are growing up God has
blessed me with so many adopted babies through various means, college, church, nonprofit
programs, and friends.They don’t think
they are adopted but they are mines.I
pray for them every day, I ask God to cover them, protect them, shield them
from all hurt and danger and make them normal.When I go into a youth class I pray Lord let me teach them to serve you
for the rest of their days.
Now granted because of my stance on children I must pick up
a new baby every day, foot I only sent two off to College but it feel as if I
have at least 10 boys in college, and six girls and I pray that none of them
read this post because if I forget one I won’t hear the end of this, LOL! God knows I love the children and if my little
pieces in their lives help them live for Christ all of their days than to God
be the GLORY!!!! Because I love being Everybody's MOM!!!! :)
Hannah’s
Prayer… I Samuel 1:27-28 “I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me
what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord.For his whole life he will be given over to
the Lord
Somebody Just Loves them some ME!!!! WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT??? Long time people, but each day has been one of contemplation
and meditation.As I am reviewing the
spoils of my life, the test that have turned into Testimonies, I am forced to
ask the Question: Lord why am I still here….
Looking back I see so many times God should have, could
have, foot I know many that would have and did just turn their backs on
me!!!!But God…. My friend, my lover,
my confidant, my counselor and my savior love me in spite of me!!!
When I look over my life I wonder why he loved me so much to
honor me with a husband that loves me.To bless my womb with children that adore him, and still keep me
in-spite of the things that I think, do and say!!! As I look at how wonderful my life is. My babies Aleisha and Alex are excelling in College, they are making waves and connections that only God could have given them. I look at Aaliyah who has truly been faithful in what she does and how despite what society may want to say about home schooling is constantly being showed God's mercy and favor. I look at my Arri..as outspoken as she is, she is the most gentle and loving grandchild toward my dad. Constantly every day going in to feed him, care for him, play games with him and the other residents. I think of my Husband who juggles life challenges as if they are water on a ducks back, and still has time to be with his family and always loving on me. I look at my siblings all are of sound mind, not in jail, married and I believe happy. I look at my mom and all that she has been through doors just opening for her....so yeah I ask God why do you love me the way you do?
Why Do you Love me so Lord????
This is a question that I think we all should sit back and
think about… Sit back and take inventory of your life (FOR REAL) not what you want, or don't have but look at what could have been, what should have been, and what isn't. Look at how many times he has dug you out of the ditch of life you didn't see.
The song said I should have been dead sleeping in my
grave….Lord you know you been so Good!!!
The old hymn says One Day at a time Sweet Jesus!!!!
Precious Lord take my hand lead me on and let me stand…I get
weak I am tired I am worn…..
As I ponder this question I realize God just loves him some
ME!!!!!!!!I am the child of the Most
high KING and when I am weary he sends his court to carry me a little while
longer…..
You may be one of the people in his court today sent by just
to tell me to carry on, or the smiling face in the car next too me. He could have come when my
husband just sneaks a sweet kiss under my ear, or through a song on a
radio, whom ever he sends it is why I am still here… To tell you
Lord Keep you Day by Day in the pure and narrow way…. To
testify to somebody that God is so good.He is so wise and so loving. Yet the most prolific statement I hear in my spirit is: I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.Psalms 37:35. But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19 Because I am standing on the promise of Christ my King...Through eternal Ages let His praise Ring!!!! Y'all God loves him some me...I don't know about no body else but I am bless, bless better than blessed!!!!!! So I love the Lord!!!
The LORD delights in those
who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.Psalm 147:11
So looking back over my very few years of life I realized
something so profound….I have hope in the darkness of death. It may not make sense to people that do not
have the spiritual connection and relationship with my lover, my friend, my
confidant and my redeemer Jesus! He is
my everything.
While doing some reading
with my husband I was so humbled by a scripture that I had to look back over my
life and realized that somewhere along this road called life, I am internally
encouraged by the ever resounding sound that Where I am there you will be
also. John 14:3b
I don’t fear death per say like I use to and I don’t worry about
life like I use to. By no means will I
say I am perfect or that doubt and fear does not seep up in my mind, but I am
encouraged to know that I have hope in all of my situations. I have hope in the darkness of trouble, the
darkness of trials and tribulations, and the darkness in the calm before the
storm and in the storm. When the storms
are raging in my life I have the love of Jesus to carry me through. The sweet assurance that he lays me down in
Green Pastures, he prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies…and
Guess what my Cup runneth over.
In these last few years of my life I have had Men of God
tell me your husband ministry will go nowhere without them. I
have had people say we would never be blessed, but if they could see me know. If they knew the God that I serve. No our
life is not easy, it is not glamour filled but it is BLESSED!!! We have been through heart ache and pain,
sunshine and rain, but the best is still yet to come. Yes and we are still favored. From flying in on regular clearance to being
bump up to Expedited Clearance to sitting in extended room sitting to being
bumped up to first class. That is the
type of favor God blesses his child with.
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we
have[a]peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,2 through whom also we have access by faith into
this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.3 And not onlythat,but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that
tribulation produces perseverance;4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope.5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of
God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Yet where I really get my praise on is when I listen to my
son’s theme song of life…Yelp by Rick Ross of all people…THESE HATERS CAN’T
HOLD ME BACK….I think about this Christian walk and how so many Christians seem
to think that they have the power to hold another’s destiny in their hand. To change life or death. As I
look over my life, over my children life, over my husband’s life, over those
that I love, the only one that has it all in his hand is the Master. My warning to all that feel that way is, don’t
you think somewhere you are beginning to think that you are the god and not
GOD?!!! Saints we have to stop letting
power, envy and arrogance go to our head.
We will not all get our way. Nor
will everyone go this road the same way, but one thing I know that if you chose
Jesus as your guide, no matter what man sees, what life looks like to you or
others…your hope MUST remain in Jesus.
He is our only hope through the dark tunnels of life and death.
My hope lies in nothing less but Jesus love and
righteousness. If you won’t be used to
bless me I am assured He has an arsenal full of favor warriors for me especially since I just want to be a blessing to someone else. I am a living witness as my mommy would
say!!!
Be Blessed and remember You GOT FAVOR OVER your life if God
is the Lord of your Life!!!! Hope in the midst of darkness rather that be life or death!
I read a story on last week and I myself said I don’t know
if I could do this.Yet the sacrifice of
love…. that this woman did was so beautiful I understood so much about the saying when
mommy would say sometimes you will give 100% and he will give 0.Sometimes he will give 100 and you will be 0
but those are the times that will truly show if you or he really loves. See can you love me when I ain’t giving
nothing, when I am so wipe out at life that I just can’t.When failed hopes and dreams has destroyed me
from within; when family has hurt and destroyed my trust so that I stop
trusting?What is your LOVE Sacrifice!
This story is long but worth the time if you
question if you are really in love.See
not to long ago my mother said her commitment was not to my dad but to
God.Her marriage was not for the world’s
glory but God.So what is your love sacrifice?A couple of months ago a man I admired so
past and I literally watch a light go out in his wife.I knew there was something I admired much in
her but I could never place it, was it her love for Christ (Yes) her love for
her Children Yes) her love for her husband (Yes)!!!
Pastor and Sis. Wendell Spencer
See I know
from her testimony her love sacrifice was a lot, because I am a pastor’s wife
and sometimes not because they don’t want to but they just can’t you have to
fill in the gaps for them because they are carrying everyone else’s
burdens.Sometimes you have to pray for
him when he don’t know it because the world and his flock will severely misuse
and abuse him and sometimes you just LOVE on him to build him up because THAT IS WHAT a Love Sacrifice is!!!!Real Talk ladies….Stop looking
for him to always be the one carrying you.Loving on you, respecting you, building you up and supporting you.Trust and believe if you become one with your
man sometimes you will have to give 100%, and sometimes he will be the 100% but
that is loves sacrifice.50/50 days do
come and they are beautiful.70/30 is
good too, but I have had a couple of 100% and 0% going both ways and I am here to tell you they
may have been some hard days and low moments but Guess what the Oneness between
DeeFin(Pastor Finley-for those political correct people) and I is more
beautiful than the 50/50 days by far!!!!!Real Talk!!!
Proverbs 31:10-12 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.11 The heart of
her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.12 She
will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
A song writer said.... I wish I could tell you just what I want and you would give it to me just like that!!!!!
That is my testimony today!!!!
When God gave me this title for my blog I really didn't understand exactly what He was doing with it, but I see that my life has been a faith walk every step of the way. My Dad never knew how to love me but I had faith that God did. My brothers have no concept of who I really am but I have always had faith that God knew who I am. My sister has always depended on me but the majority of my life the ones I thought I could depend on have one by one been taken away, but God!! My husband as loving, supportive and protective as he is can not protect me from the hurts of life that hits the inner soul of a women!! My Children fill me with Love, admoration and pride but the emptiness that comes with life only God can fill. So no matter how beautiful your life may seem, it always throws some crazy blows at us and sometimes they are not blows; they are simple NO's from our heavenly father!!!!
The no's hurt worst than the maybe's. I will never ever understand all of the hurts I have experience in my life, but I do understand that God has a plan for me and I understand that sometimes he simply says no!!!!
His no is complete, there is no turning back the clock or bringing back the years that are missed, but I pray daily that the void He has allowed to be place in my heart, the emptines and lonliness is soon filled with love and joy once again.
So my testimony to you...my beloved is Walking in Faith is not an easy task. It is not something so easily acquired. There is no floor plan or map...it is simply walking, trusting and believing that:
1. God is God all by Himself
2. My ways are not his wayIsaiah 55:8-9
3. He has a plan for me that I will not always understandJeremiah 29:11
4. His will is perfect(Romans 12:2
5. His love is true and sacrificial Romans 5:8; 1 John 4:9-10
6. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God Romans 10:17
7. You can not have faith in him if you don't believe in him, you can not believe in him, if you don't trust him and you can not trust him if you don't Love HIM!!!! John 14:15-30
So my friends listend to my Testimony...and know that I am going walk in faith everyday...no matter what, sooooooooooo
I'll cry till he tells me let it go let it be, because oh Lord your will is what's Best for me!!!!
Psalms 147:3, "He healeth the
broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."
This may not touch anyone’s life but mines, but I pray it
blesses someone along the way.
As I ponder my life and the journey have seen thus far, I am
shock how wounded and damage I am.Life
has thrown many blows.Yet in the past
three years it seems as if many of those deep seeded wounds have resurface to
only try to destroy me from within.As a
child I never understood why my father’s favorite name for me was that little Heifer,
or why whenever he had a chance he would tell someone something to make them
think I was a really bad person, or even get me in trouble with my mom. As I
grew I stop really looking to him for validation and just knew that as long as
I loved as hard as I could God would place someone there to love me back.
So each time I love one of my brothers I got another one,
and another one until finally he gave me another best friend my little sister.As I got older I realized the joy in loving
people but I also realized that I wasn’t getting love back.Oh yeah they say they love you but will they
sacrifice on the level you will for them. (reminds us how we treat Jesus)As I got older I realized how damaged my
father was and how much he hated his own mother so he had no respect or love
toward women.Yet even though God
started revealing these things to me, I never understood how he was mending my
hurt!!!! To find out that your dad would lie and tell everyone that you were
taking his money or how he paid for college when he didn't.To find out how he would pit your siblings
against you and all the time you are under the impression they were just having
a bad day.How could one person be so
spiteful? How could God allow a parent to hurt a child so bad?Now, realizing the boys he use to let abuse
you were his children from his mistress was the straw that broke my back…!!! Yet understand I myself had to understand the depth of my fathers hurt before I could ever realize the damage I had. This isn't about bashing my daddy, it is simply to teach everyone that God can mend a wounded heart. See it has taken 67 years for my dad to truly see me as a loving person. It has also taken him 67 years to realize that GOD is in control of his life and no one else. It has taken him all of these years to take responsibility of the actions and decisions he has made, and it is a hard thing for us "man/woman" to look in the mirror. Yet in his reality, there has come some reality that I myself wasn't ready to see.....
Now fast forward……….. I am 44 and I am now realizing that
the words and description that people have categorized me as have always been
depicted by what my daddy has made people believe.Because I can speak pretty well, or because I
have no problem expressing myself, or because I am outgoing and read the bible
for myself; I am always something other
than a young lady that simply love the Lord, that simply loves her family that
simply wants to be the best wife, mother, sister and daughter she can be.Yes I will fight you tooth and nail for my
family but I would never purposely hurt on lie on my family members.Yesterday was an eye opening experience that
I won’t ever be able to clearly explain but I realize that people are shock to
find out that I don’t really like the spot light, I don’t really want the fanfare,
I simply want somebody to love me for me.It hurts to know that deep down even the people you love the most don’t
see you as the person you try to be.It
hurts to know that no matter how quiet or how much you pray that God shows them
how much you truly love them or how much you want them to have the best, they
prefer to see the negative.
Well as I pondered this …..God as always heard my mind!He sent several people to tell me I see you
are wounded but I got the healing potion!!! See when a bird’s wing is wounded
he never stops trying to fly….Yet until it is healed and has built some
strength he never gets off the ground.Now the little bird walks “in faith”every time he tries to fly because he knows sooner or later God is going
to heal his wing and return him to the sky, but his“in faith” may just get him killed!!!!See if he doesn’t get off the ground in just
the right way a car could either hit him or run over him, yet he still walks in
the faith that God will let him fly again.
Now I am that little bird…..I have never really flown, I
have been wounded since childhood….every now and then I may sore just a little
bit in the air, but over and over again that same wound keeps being opened up
and down to the ground I fall!!!!I am
back at the place where no one see’s me fighting just to be loved as a sister,
daughter, wife or mother!Everyone only
sees the business women, the fighter, the activities, the go getter not just
Michele. A man asked me the other day
are you a minister, I laughed because I can’t get sister, daughter, wife and
mother right and you asking me this question.Why?Because I can talk, because
I read God’s word or because you yourself can’t believe that a women like me
simply wants to be me, without the titles and the accolades.
So Lord I Speak
to the pain and release it into Jesus' hands!!!Lord I am wounded….my heart is not broken for the brokenness you
have been mending all along yet when you put two broke pieces together or
better yet when you put shattered pieces together there are always scares to
show the wounds.Now if one of those
scares do not heal right it will leave a scare, or a hard scab that stays
sore.That is where my heart is…A wounded heart who can mend?I know Jesus but a wounded heart is the
easiest to hide.Why because it is still
a whole heart.That wound could be a
deep hole or a long scare.The problem
with the deep hole is that every time the heart pumps the hole is covered up,
so Lord can you see my wounds?Yes I
hear everyone saying God sees all!!!Well Lord
can you hear my soul crying…..!!! I know I know he hears all!
So Lord, I summit my fears, my many years of
hurt and un-acceptance to you.Let me
know that despite what man may want to believe, say or do no one has power over me
but you!!!No Preacher, Pastor, Man,
Women, or Satan has power over my life but you!!!
My dear reader… this is my life!!! This may even be the first
chapter of my book… but please know this….Christ healeth the broken in
heart,.... Christ is a physician; many are the diseases of his people; he heals
them all by his blood, stripes, wounds; and among the rest their broken hearts,
which none can cure but himself; hearts broken words. By applying pardoning grace and mercy to all that request it,
streaming through his blood; and bindeth up their wounds; or "griefs"
(n); and so gives them ease, health, and peace, for which they have abundant
reason to call upon their souls to bless his name and sing his praise; by Gill Exposition
See my beloved one thing I am sure that GOD will MAKE A WAY!!!! GOD WILL SUPPLY ALL OF MY NEEDS!!!!!! GOD WILL MEND MY BROKEN HEART!!!!!! HE IS MY LAWYER IN A COURT ROOM, MY BANKER IN THE FINANCE ROOM, MY DELIVERANCE IN THE TIME OF A STORM AND MY DOCTOR IN THE SICK ROOM!!!
If it wasn’t
for this statement here I wouldn’t be able to declare in the words of Marvin
Sapp…..
I WIN!!!!!
2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit
of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
1 Peter 5:7,
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."
Well anyone that knows me knows I am not into the Sisterhood
movement, the First Lady classification or the publicized ideology that I have
to be loud, ignorant, arrogant, rude, bible toting, hat wearing, snobbish
acting, unfriendly, 300.00 suit wearing, person to be a saved, well versed,
loving, bible believing, Holy Spirit filled Christian wife of a Pastor!I hope I have covered every aspect of what
they are trying to portray a pastor’s wife as.
For this cause I
titled this one Pastor’s Wife Volume I. Why because I for see other volume’s to
come. LOL!!!
Well yesterday I had
the esteem pleasure of meeting a young lady, whose husband is just totally on
fire for Christ, that didn’t walk around the church like she was “first lady”
but more like first mother, first sister and first friend of the members of her
church.She was humble, quiet, didn’t
look for any fan fair but received it simply because how she has stepped back
and let the Jesus shine in her.
Side bar I have never been to
such an outstanding real anniversary in my life!!!!Not a bunch of fake people loving on their
pastor, but not a dry eye for every story that was told about the pastor and
his love for his church and the love his wife has put into the church.
It was a breath of fresh air to see a Pastor’s wife that
simply wanted to see her husband’s calling fulfilled to God’s glory.Listening to her testimony was just beautiful
and refreshing.It was even more
delightful to see how he and her still had the laughter and joy between each
other that I see sometimes dwindle in all marriage couples.That happens to be one of the hardest things
for two married people to keep up the laughter, the joy, passion and enjoyment
in their marriage, especially when the other women is the church!!!!
So today’s blog is to encourage my sisters in the ministry
of pastor wives!!! It is a thankless job but I am proud to be one.I don’t need any other title.I have no problem with my husband spending
every waking moment at the church because I know Christ must be his first
responsibility.My trust and faith is
that Christ will remind him that he has a wife at home.Now so far Ladies, God has been faithfully on
his Job!!I may not see him like I use
to but every now and then he lets me know I am the women of his dreams.It is the every now and then time that I am
trying to learn to treasures.As my
sister said yesterday that is hard sometimes but it is our responsibility to
ensure that the ministry that our husbands have begun is completed to God’s
glory not our own.
We are his help mates that mean that we must also ensure he
meets the obligations that God has placed on his life. That may mean going to
bed without him one night because he must sit at a hospital bed side all night,
or repair a ceiling in the church before a grand event.It may mean cooking dinner fora church function because sisters forget their duties that
Sunday.It may mean giving up a couple
date nights to help him clean up the new church building that was just donated
to you, or leave church without him because he has to counsel someone through
some hard times.It means giving him
the mental freedom to love on his congregation freely even though you know how
bad they have talked about him and treated him.It especially means being a valued part of that congregation and taking
up the slack where others members fall short.(I tell my husband ain’t no member her is going to out due me on loving
my pastor, LOL) :) You have to remember you are
just as much of a member as the other members and the more support you give
your pastor and holding him up the more desire he has to love you back, even
his wife!!!! The truth of the matter is that a True Call man of God is going to
do THE Fathers business with or without you!The ones that leave a church for his wife, or stop doing God’s work for
you hasn’t saved a marriage but destroyed a calling and to for some their lives.In the end you can be a part of the solution
or a problem Christ will have to remove.You make the choice!
I enjoyed sharing some common concerns with my sisters in
Christ but I enjoyed even more how she has embraced her husband’s vision, her
husband passion and love for Christ and his church!Just another example of a Pastor’s wife who
the church has no problem claiming as their FIRST LADY!!!!
